she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
