just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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