he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
