Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
