...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Did you just see the Batmobile???
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Randomize
