no, he came in my armpit
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
