just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
