I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
