She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
