I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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