I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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