Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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