dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
