you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
