and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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