so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
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