im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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