He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
