It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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