IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
