i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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