So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
being pregnant is like rehab
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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