i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
My cat gives me a boner
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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