Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
