ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
