Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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