Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
