Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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