sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
