After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
