Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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