if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
