If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
