Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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