i just wanna soil my oats bro
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
