Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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