if i can run in heels then i can drive
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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