pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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