I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
