Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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