Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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