Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
