Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
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