Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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