I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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