My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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