Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
