Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
