OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
