I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
