I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Help me help you realize you are a moron
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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