He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
