Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I just had sex on a roof
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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