he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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