My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
They are going to name an STD after you.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
