I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
