Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
