and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
