either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
