I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
