Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
