He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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