watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
