Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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