I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
