am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
