Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
