I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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