I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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