my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
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