how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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