she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
