Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
