yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
