Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
NoShamevember. You game?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
