How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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