Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
