he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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