I want you more than these girls want KFC
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
