i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
