Michael Bay diarrhea
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
