nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
