When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
