If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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