even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize