theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
he's single and there are thong briefs.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
