please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i want to swaddle you in tequila
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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