Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
