he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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