watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize