There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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