I bet he comes in French.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Randomize
