I love black thongs
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
