There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
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you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
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there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Send help, water and tortillas.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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