im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
