Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
