Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
