Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
