I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
My dick has a subreddit
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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